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The Do-Over Only Works on the Playground

September 20, 2012

A Note From Dad Faith, Family, Life Lessons , , , , , , 1 Comment

Do you believe in “do-overs”? In giving grace and showing mercy to someone and allowing them a chance to do something again, to try to right a wrong? I am. Unfortunately, that’s nearly impossible to actually do when our “do-over” is needed after we say something we shouldn’t have said. We can try, but we’re just never really able to completely wipe the memory of our words away.

It’s been almost a week since I wrote. For me, that seems like an eternity. I’ve just not had the passion within me to write much this past week. My last several notes took a lot out of me, and I’ve not had the desire to even think about or discuss the root of my problem, the incident at work that threw my emotions into a tailspin.

This morning, mom and SI had left for school, and while waiting for NE’s bus to pick him up, I enjoyed sitting and watching him play. I haven’t just sat and watched you or your siblings just play in awhile. I’m usually sitting with the computer on my lap, a phone in my hand, or while walking around doing stuff around the house…I don’t remember the last time I just sat and watched. And in my time watching NE this morning, I heard God. For the first time in at least a week, I heard God’s whisper. It’s amazing how clear He is when we when we sit and be still:

“He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” – Psalm 46:10

In God’s whisper this morning, He convicted me, and immediately I knew that I had handled a situation last weekend poorly. And just to drive the point home even further, I spent some time in the Word afterward…and this is what God showed me:

“for we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a mature man who is also able to control his whole body.” – James 3:2

I spent almost all of last month in the book of James, but apparently in all that time, I didn’t learn what God had brought me here to learn. God spent a month preparing me for last weekend’s email, and had I heeded James’ warning, perhaps I would have handled it better. It’s apparent, I’m not as mature as I’d like to think I am most days. At 39 years of age, I’m obviously as immature as they come. The rest of chapter 3 talks about controlling the tongue…and chapter 4 talks about being proud or humble. I read these words dozens of times last month…literally several dozen times. So when the email from a family member arrived in my inbox on Saturday, I recognized that I needed to take some time to digest it and put some thought and prayer into my reply. What I failed to actually do was put some serious prayer into it. You see, controlling the tongue is not just about watching what you actually let cross your lips…it’s also about what you write. I should have picked up on that before last Saturday…my immaturity is painfully obvious.

For what it’s worth, I did wait to reply. I prayed some throughout a busy day at work, and I put some thought into my reply. I should have put some more thought and prayer into it, because I almost instantly knew it was the wrong reply. I don’t fault this family member for reaching out to me. I don’t fault the family members who asked him/her to reach out to me. I know that everyone’s intentions were in right place. That they were trying to help me through a difficult time. I tried as eloquently as I could to word my response in a way that made that clear…and in a way that did not put this person on the defensive for what I claimed was an attack at my faith.

I failed…because if I had written back with what I believe God would want me to have said, it would have been much different. If given the opportunity for a “do-over”, I would simply say:

“Thank you for caring enough about me to write to me. Thank you for having the courage and for loving me enough to reach out in faith to try and help me through this. I appreciate it more than you will ever know. It means the world to me that you care enough about me as a person to write to me. Please know that I’m good. I’m working through my issues with this incident, and God is carrying me through it. I may sometimes walk through some dark places with my emotions, but I won’t be there long because I have the resources to get through it. I’m good. Thank you again for loving me. I love you too.”

But, that’s if we lived in a world where the “do-over” actually worked. Learn from my mistake child…because we don’t. The “do-over” only works on the playground.

Love,

Dad

The Good, The Bad, The Mowing

September 7, 2012

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I was mowing the yard today (after spending an hour fixing the broken lawn mower), and I was tired…and hot. To be honest, mowing is one of my least favorite jobs around the house. It doesn’t rank quite as high as Unclogging the Drain, but it’s pretty close. I know it’s good exercise, and for that I’m grateful…although I’d rather run a half marathon wearing a 20 pound weighted vest. But that’s just me.

I was mowing with a sense of urgency to the task…rain was coming. I knew I had only hours to do it, and this was my window of opportunity. Rain…awesome, life-giving rain. We’ve been in a drought here in the Midwest this summer. The grass had gone dormant, turning as brown as if it were dead…and the leaves on the trees have started turning and falling already. And as bad as a drought is for all the reasons a drought is bad, there is a blessing in it…albeit however small it is. When the grass doesn’t grow, there’s no need to mow. (See how I did that there with the rhyme…I didn’t even think that out before I typed it. 🙂 )

So I’ve saved a lot of time, work and gas ($$) this summer. And for that, I’ve been grateful, despite the condition of the grass and trees. And here I was, mowing in advance of the coming rain, and I found myself starting to complain inside…grumbling in my mind about how much I hate mowing the yard. And then the Holy Spirit does what He does…He brings Scripture to mind…

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There’s a time for everything…and there’s good in the bad, if we look for it. In the drought, I’ve saved my time, work and gas ($$) by not needing to mow. Earlier today, I didn’t enjoy myself out there mowing in the heat and humidity, but God sent the rain to quell the drought and provide life to the area (and an afternoon workout for me). Life is the same really…there’s some good in every bad we encounter. Sometimes we have to look hard to find it, but it’s there…if we open our hearts and minds to God and allow the Holy Spirit to work in us…and when He works in us, He works through us. For His plan. For His glory. Through the good. Through the bad. And yes, even through the mowing.

Love,

Dad

A (non)Doing Dad

July 29, 2012

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I’m home tonight following a two day Leadership Training Conference for our Upward Sports league, and as I always am after one of these weekends, I’m inspired, motivated and challenged…my passion for the ministry has been renewed and refreshed, and I’m recharged and excited to transfer the vision of our ministry to our volunteers and to apply my newfound knowledge and inspiration. I have to admit that during several of the breakout sessions, I was feeling pretty good. I was the one inspiring other league directors from around the country with some of the things we’re doing right in our league…things they’d not yet heard of or tried. And while I certainly picked up some awesome ideas from the group, I will admit I had a little pride welling up in my heart for the success of our first four seasons.

With the memories of dozens of positive and encouraging success stories of these first four great seasons fresh on my mind, I’m reading James again tonight…and I’ve promptly been put in my place.

“My dearly loved brothers, understand this: Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for man’s anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness. Therefore, ridding yourselves of all moral filth and evil, humbly receive the implanted word, which is able to save you. But be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. Because if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man looking at his own face in a mirror. For he looks at himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. But the one who looks intently into the perfect law of freedom and perseveres in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but one who does good works–this person will be blessed in what he does. If anyone thinks he is religious without controlling his tongue, then his religion is useless and he deceives himself. Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” – James 1:19-27

Wow! Yeah, from the outside looking in, it would appear that I’m good to go here. Nothing could be further from the truth, though. My daily life is oftentimes so lacking of real fruit, that I often question my own salvation…whether my decision was truly a life-changing event for me. Yeah…I usually get it right within the confines of the Upward ministry…but my fruits within the Upward ministry don’t always parallel my daily actions outside of Upward. I am, more often than not, that guy who “looks in the mirror and then immediately forgets what kind of man he was” because I often skim through God’s word looking for the highlight reel, rather than committing my uninterrupted time to studying it and impressing it upon my heart.

I’m not a selfless giver of my time and talents. I pass by those in need without stopping to help. I have lots of days where, if it doesn’t fit into MY schedule, it ain’t gonna happen. Those days when God places things in my path to develop my faith and strengthen my walk…I often see those as inconveniences, rather than opportunities. I’m ashamed to admit all that, but it’s who I am by nature…I’m human…I’m just being open, real and honest here.

And I have a REAL issue controlling my tongue. Those friends who know me through church and Upward might be surprised to hear that. My coworkers and acquaintances outside of church know what I’m talking about…because they see a different me. A me that angers easily…a me that swears often…a me that sometimes participates in gossip…a me that judges others…a me that is impatient and often very unloving. I think it’s this part of me that I loathe the most. I struggle daily to change this part of me…and I fail miserably every day.

Thankfully I have a Savior that recognizes my weakness. I have a God that accepts me for who I am…and meets me where I am…a Spirit that fills me with a longing desire to be and do better…a Father who forgives me daily…and loves me for who I am…not what I do. I have a Jesus who paid the penalty I deserve to pay for my sin. And I serve a God who doesn’t give up on me…and never will. I pray daily that I can become the man He wants me to be…and that you will one day know the same God.

Love,

Dad

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